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Left Behind: The Game

Boy, where do I start?

Left Behind is a mega-best-selling series ("More Than 60 Million Books Sold") of novels aimed at hard-core Christians. It's about what happens on this planet during the Apocalypse: first, millions of people ascend bodily into heaven, then the survivors fight while everything goes, ahaha, to hell in a hand-basket. Or so I hear. It's like Tom Clancy for the Christian fundamentalists.

It's a pretty big media franchise, and now, surprise, it's being turned into video games.

The corporate double-speak is amusing:

The mission of Left Behind Games is to become the world’s leading independent developer and publisher of quality interactive entertainment products that perpetuate family values and appeal to mainstream and Christian audiences, while remaining committed to increasing shareholder value and pursuing the highest standards of integrity and professionalism in all business affairs.

Translation: We will make games that appeal to the sensibilities of one group of people, while making tons of money for another group of people, and not doing anything unethical or illegal which would bring a third group of people come crashing down on us like a ton of bricks. Original!

The "New Genre" bit of The Vision is even better:

For the Year of 2003, the Gospel Music Association (GMA) reported sales of more than 47.1 million CDs. Controversial as it has been, The Passion of the Christ has generated more than $500 million since it's release. Experts are expecting it to become one of the top ten financially successful movies of all-time. To date, not one high-quality video game has been marketed to this same audience. It is management’s belief that LEFT BEHIND will be a catalyst for a new genre of video game entertainment; known, as stated by the Wall Street Journal, as "God Games".

Will Peter Molyneux sue for defamation? This press release gives some more information about the actual game:

Scheduled for release between Christmas 2005 and Easter 2006, Left Behind: Eternal Forces will put players in command of the apocalyptic battles raging in the streets of New York City between the angelic Tribulation Forces and the demonic Global Community Peacekeepers during the End of Days. Gamers will participate in events from the Left Behind book series in single player mode and battle to capture territory from other players in the multi-player online game mode.

A post-apocalyptic RTS! How original. The Unique Selling Point seems to be:

LBG intends to develop games so as to include the same types of elements that have made interactive games popular for years and yet offer a less graphic experience to the sexual themes and gratuitous violence currently found in many games. We plan to make all games visually and kinetically appealing.

So it's middle of the road schlock with a hard-core Christian theme - much like the novels, apparently.

Meh. My coffee buzz is wearing off. I'm getting tired of ranting about this.

(Via BoingBoing.)