Extending your Xbox

As a trigger for double entendres, this is like putting your mouth to a fire hose, so I’m just going to report it straight to stop my head from exploding.

I don’t think I saw this on the usual news sites, but then I haven’t been paying that much attention lately. This is a guide on how to wire a vibrator to the rumble function of your Xbox controller (and soon PS2 and GameCube). There.

Favorite quote:

Time for our first test of the vibrator (with no one attached to the other end, unfortunatly. We really gotta work on the whole porn aspect of this site). In dedication to JG Ballard (and to a lesser extend, David Cronenberg), I decided to use Burnout 3 in Crash mode. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as watching a dildo run due to the fact that you just crashed your car into a crowded intersection. Sure enough, the second I hit another car, the vibe took off across the table. It was truly a beautiful sight, and one I’ll hopefully have a movie of here pretty soon.

(Aren’t you glad I’m posting again?)

(Via Warren Ellis.)

Comments 9

  1. Aubrey wrote:

    I’ve been fucked by a robot before. Trust me. It’s not worth it.

    Posted 08 Mar 2005 at 13:12
  2. Jurie Horneman wrote:

    Too late, I’ve already opened up my Xbox.

    Posted 08 Mar 2005 at 15:14
  3. Jesus Christ wrote:

    Aubrey,

    In order to know whether I need to send you to hell for what you’ve done, please explain in graphic detail. Extra credit for writing something that compels Jurie to delete your post.

    Posted 08 Mar 2005 at 17:05
  4. Aubrey wrote:

    While wandering past the cloning factory the other day, a zombie burst out at me and unzipped his pants. His torso was suddenly cut in two by a flying Ninja, its chest sliding sideways off its abdomen.

    The ninja turned to face me, sword raised and trailing ribbons of light, wailing some ancient curse. Out of no-where, a cannon ball shunts his pyjama clad body into a wall concrete wall, smearing it with claret. “Avast me hearty! DO YOU LIKE THE COCK?” called a peg legged, bearded pirate from his battle ship which had been sneaking up on the ninja along a small canal.

    Just as I was about to give an answer, a giant robot foot stomped down, smashing the pirate ship into splinters. The robot shrunk to human size and stated “PAVLOVIAN ROBO-REWARD SYSTEM UNFULFILLED. PLEASE APPLY CYBER-HAND JOB.”

    My rule on such matters is, it’s probably not gay if it’s a clone or a cyborg, and definately not gay if it’s an inanimate object. I put on the VR gloves and got down to it.

    After a few minutes, it screamed “INPUT REQUIRED”. The rest is history.

    This story has been the inspiration for more than one game, funnily enough. All designers think this way. ALL OF THEM.

    Posted 08 Mar 2005 at 17:58
  5. Jurie Horneman wrote:

    Bah.

    Posted 08 Mar 2005 at 23:04
  6. seb wrote:

    Sisi je suis super content que tu sois encore vivant, même si je ne suis pas encore certain de vouloir brancher mon godemichet sur ma Xbox (sans dec’).

    J’ai des news pour toi, file moi ton mail, j’ai la flemme de chercher (ahaha , en fait je l’ai pas trouvé).

    A plouche!

    Posted 12 Mar 2005 at 22:16
  7. John Wayne wrote:

    If you let people post in French on your site, your American visitors will think you’re a Bolshevik.

    Posted 13 Mar 2005 at 23:48
  8. Jurie Horneman wrote:

    If I let people post in American English, my French visitors will think I’m a lap-dog of the capitalist bourgeoisie… a tough trade-off.

    Posted 14 Mar 2005 at 8:27
  9. Jeffool wrote:

    Congratulations, by allowing people to post in one language or the other, and not forcing both, Canada is now picketing outside your blog. It’s true; I saw them on the way in.

    Posted 14 Mar 2005 at 12:13